You made it through the year
You deserve a fucking medal
Tomorrow a new one will begin
But you don’t need to make promises you can’t keep
Just simply be.
Feel the growing inside you
It’s about to blossom.
You can face 2019 like you faced 2018 and if this year taught you anything,
It’s that your one strong badass beautiful person.
If you have given control, you can take it back.
I was thinking about when we give up our power to others or to things. Like people who possess controlling influences over you, their influence is only controlling if you allow it to be. The same can be applied to situations, like social occasions, or to inanimate objects like needles. You might not even know the control over you exists. It can be scary and difficult facing it but the hardest bit is acknowledging its existence. Recognise the control and take it back, you hold the power.
Some days you just want to lie down and give up. But when I feel that way I try and think of all the positive things in my life. It can be hard, but eventually little thoughts start to grow and blossom in your mind. So you might be down but you’re not giving up, just lying back and appreciating the beauty all around you.
Personal growth is something I’m dwelling on a lot and this illustration of myself couldn’t describe how I’m feeling more. I feel the growth within even down to the tips of every strand of hair and all this beautiful new growth is about to blossom.
Personal growth is important and it’s different for everyone. So however you’re growing that’s okay, everyone’s different and will flower in their own special way. Personal growth can be hard too, so remember to be kind to yourself through the growing pains.
Dabbling in tarot cards I draw meaning in the imagery rather than the established connotations behind. And I find it is often the meaning you find within the cards rather than what they symbolise most enlightening about yourself.
This card, two of swords, keeps reoccurring and I found the image to be quite powerful. Reading up about the meanings of the card it mentions the symbolism of confusion (the blindfold), while also having a balanced mind (the two balanced swords) and that the problem must be resolved with logic and intellect. The sea of rocks indicate obstacles on your path while the waxing moon shows a new beginning from the solution of the problem.
I drew my own version of the card, with myself as the subject, and drew my own interpretations. The woman who is blind to what’s ahead while at the same time ready for whatever comes along - on both sides. I may still be unclear with what’s ahead myself, with many obstacles in the way, but I am ready to defend against the physical hurt on one side and the inner mental hurt on the other.
I relate this card to the struggle of leaving and moving into the van and the hurt of removing a couple of people from my life just before leaving. Unfortunately having a mind prone to depression this hurt hasn’t been something I have been able to shake off so easily. But as the woman in the card shows I may not be able to see ahead but I am now ready for whatever comes my way, be it hurt from others or circumstances beyond my control or be it the tricks your mind can play on you and the regretful dwelling - I am ready to move forward.
The wild coastal landscape of Cabo Espichel and all its strangeness was the perfect set to wander in early winter sunshine. The orange formations of rock were like a mars scape mixed with the Wild West. Wandering through it felt like an end to the summer of escapism as we fled the UK in desperate hopes to reconnect with our inner-selves again. Through each new landscape rediscover who I am as an artist. These images show a person who is stronger and more at peace.
Something I wrote when getting bogged down looking at others and comparing my life and my art to them. It’s easy to compare and get lost in thoughts of not being good enough, but try to remember we are all on our own path. Our journeys are all very different and unique. What you might see on the surface of someone else’s journey might not even be an accurate representation of their path, so don’t compare, it only leads to dwelling sadness.
Trying to be more at peace with myself also and taking time to meditate and be mindful is hard to get into the habit of by the rewards of peacefulness are worth the practice.
Deep in the Portuguese mountains we came across this mountain spot with a clear water stream and daisies clinging to the edge of the banks. The stream was dammed slightly to create a natural pool and with the emerald waters glistening in the sun I entered the water. It was beautiful and freezing. Channelling Ophelia and water nymphs I danced in the water. After my motions in the water were captured I double exposed the images with the close ups of the daisies and the photos clicked. It was like a floral figure being carried away on the stream. The first image captured had all the elements to inspire the whole photographic experiment: the water, the daisies and my naturally hairy legs dipping into the water. The hairy legs being a sentiment for being free and embracing the natural woman-ness of myself.
Thinking about creating art while traveling. With a small supply of art materials and a tiny space to create in (not including the outside space) the primary medium of my art is changing, to me. I am beginning to use myself within films and photographic experiments in the varied landscapes we come across on our travels. It has become more than simply posing in the landscape and instead using myself to start to convey meaning, like my art. I liked drawing myself as a small illustration and using it to further clarify my own thoughts.
Just some appreciation for breasts of all sizes, all shapes and all colours. Breasts are beautiful and are all wonderfully diverse. So whether you have inny or outy nipples, hairy or pieced nips, or your breasts are lopsided, saggy, augmented, pert, large, small, spotty, or you’ve had breast reductions or had a mammectomy, or got scares, tattoos or freckles on them they are still beautiful.
The parts of us we abandon so readily. Thinking about how our possessions become like a little piece of us. And something like a mattress that moulds to the very shape of our bodies, its carries us to our sweetest dreams and darkest desires, its where we experience such pleasure but also where we go when we want to curl up and cry. It is such an intimate inanimate object, which we discard so readily and even abandon on street corners for all to see.
In the town of Arguedas in Spain on my vanlife road trip through Europe we came across these cave homes carved into a cliff face. Abandoned in the 1960s and built by the people in the 1800’s as a solution to the housing crisis of the area. Residents couldn’t afford to buy a home in the town took to the cliff to carve their own. They were abandoned in the 1960’s when the council built social housing in the town for the residents to move into.
Many of the homes were in ruin but some were intact. In one of the preserved homes there was this incredible pink room. With its curved walls and ceilings and small windows letting the evening sun shine in inspiration struck.. So as the sun went down and the light poured through the little windows I wore my ‘vagina’ latex dress, which I exhibited in Brighton a couple months ago, and took some shoots and films.
This is the start of my new art project while traveling. I’m not sure what it will be or how it will evolve but I know it will be an exploration of self and feature the incredible landscapes we come across on our journey. I think its quite apt to start in this curved womb-like room and wear something of my past as I journey on towards the future.
To all my oppressed sisters I bleed with you. I wrote this after learning about the horrific statistics of dowry deaths in countries like India, where one woman an hour dies a dowry death. The shocking reality of dowry deaths where women are killed like commodities or property by their husbands or their family. My Period Jar project has given me more insight into the oppression of women (and those that menstruate who do not identify as female) around the world, I want to use this universal bond of mensuration to unite us all to stop these horrors continuing. I will be using my upcoming exhibition this July to highlight these issues and spread awareness to help stop these atrocities.
I have been creating art for as long as I can remember and ‘officially’ calling myself an artist for a number of years now but I have never attempted a self portrait so here is my first self portrait painting.
Just a little reminder to anyone who needs it, you are powerful, you are inspiring and you are strong. A pain painting is the backdrop of these words that have become a bit of a mantra for myself.
You are a
a constant source of